Cat·a·ton·ic
by Cremateme
Summary: First person;Mai. Post-Volume 12. Prologue. Starts off...normal.   This is normal. A normal day. Normal life. Utterly, blissfully, normal.   A story where-in a normal girl slips into the path of self-destruction.
1. Sunshine tastes grey

AN; A really short prologue for an idea I'm playing with. My use of the word _normal_ is significant, in case you haven't guessed. Once again, life for Mai after Naru is gone. It might end up being AU, though. Really not sure where it's going. I never write first person, so feedback would be loved~

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><p><strong>A lonely alarm sounds off in a tiny apartment situated off the corner of a nondescript street in Japan.<strong>

"A-Ah...It's so cold this morning!"

My eyes flutter open and take in the pale light seeping into the room. The sun isn't as bright as it usually is this time of morning. The clouds must be out..

Oh well, it's only a little disappointing. At least this gives me an excuse to stay curled up in bed for a few more minutes..Hehh..

Morning is the most pleasant time of day for me. Nothing can deter the happiness I feel when I see those first few rays of sunlight shining through the window. The chirp of the birds, the sounds of the streets coming alive once again after the eerie silence of night.

My friends say I'm a loving person. I guess it's true-I love a lot of things-and even what I don't so much, _love, _I can usually tolerate.

Silence is one of the few exceptions to that rule.

I suppose it didn't really become noticeable until after both of my parents passed, but now, I can't even go to sleep without a fan or the television on.

It gets sorta lonely, ya' know?

I rise out of my futon after a few sluggish minutes, dragging a blanket with me and taking notice of the sloppy mess of my sheets in my peripheral vision.

Time to start your day, Mai!

"Oh..Oooh..." I outwardly gape at the sight of my reflection.

This is the beginning of my morning routine, and it all starts with taming my violent bed-head.

I remember back when my hair was longer, when mom was alive, and she used to always comb it out for me in the morning. It makes me laugh to think of how much of a struggle the tangles put up, and the first few failed attempts at braiding...

I smile into the mirror, finally satisfied with a tamer version of my morning do', and after brushing my teeth and taking care of other morning necessities, step back out of the bathroom to grab my school uniform and eat breakfast quickly.

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><p>'Maybe it wasn't a good idea to try to do both simultaneously', I think somewhat sarcastically, hurrying down the street towards my school. Several grains of rice obnoxiously stick to my top in an odd, shapeless pattern, making me internally scowl at my own sloppiness.<p>

I brush what I can easily see away and focus on the sidewalk I'm walking on, determined not to trip or step into anything sticky today. I'm normally not a clumsy person, at least I think so. I just have horrible luck-something any of my friends can attest to.

As I near the school my ears are graciously assaulted with the usual chatter- early morning hormones and gossipers packed together and forced to talk in order to stay warm on a chilly morning.

"Mai, Mai! Good Morning~!" I hear, and find myself slowly turning towards the east end entrance where my group of friends always wait for me in the morning.

They're smiling at me, like always. I guess I'll smile too.

We're in our last year of high school, but I swear, they haven't grown up at all. Maybe it sounds odd for me to be saying something like that, seeing as most people describe me as being warm and young-hearted. I don't know..I agree that maybe I've always been a little naive, but I'm not _like them, _am I?

Where did that come from?

I frown, turning out my chattering friends as I analyze my negative thoughts. My eyes automatically turn towards the remains of the old school building, still sitting collapsed off in the distance. They haven't touched it since_ then_, too afraid that a demon will pop out and eat them, or something.

"Cheer up, Mai! Relax! You're not even smiling! You're never like this in the morning, what's wrong?" Keiko, the more perceptive one of my group of friends, quietly asks. looking me up and down critically. Though, maybe quietly is a bit of an overstatement.

"Ahh..." I rub the back of my head, grinning sheepishly at her and the rest of my friends. "Nothing's wrong. I guess I'm just a little sluggish this morning, that's all!"

_That's all. _I force my silly smile to stay in place, turning my head and all thoughts away from the past. That's right, it's a beautiful, lovely morning. I'm at school with my friends, going to class for _once_.

It's a normal day.

I can vaguely feel the bile rising in my throat at my falsely peppy thoughts, but in the end I brush that away, too.


	2. Gaps

Some days are harder than others.

This is of course still only the beginning. I think.

I find myself absentmindedly walking the same old path down the road after school, whistling a tune and skipping along. Trying to place the feeling of unease churning in my gut, while simultaneously trying to just _ignore _it.

But neither really matter- because the truth eventually dawns all the same, when I find myself staring at an empty building that once held some of my fondest memories.

Oh, who am I kidding.

The happiest memories I've ever had.

It isn't that the building looks any more or less imposing. Or that it's buried beneath an inch of dust. It isn't as if the office itself is closed.

It's only...not the same.

And my skipping, cheery, whistling self ends as the thick ink of deceit seeps through to the nerve endings of my brain. Coating my darkening orbs from that illustrious cinnamon to a gaze not unlike _his_ own.

And I'm wondering if I was fooling myself all along-imagining that the goofy smile of his brothers could ever be reflected back to me. But somehow I feel I would rather freeze under his gaze than melt under a smile. Not as if it matters anymore.

I look to the ground. I look to my sleeves, but I don't pull them up. Even if the wind has subsided and my skin is starting to pool a fine layer of sweat down my back.

There is no reason to show weakness in front of this building. Not when it seems as if his gaze is still lurking here, waiting for me to call his name again, like I used to.

_Naru..._

_Where are you. Really? _

The wind taunts me, as if I can almost hear a breezy reply.

_Don't worry, Mai. _

_Look towards the bottom of the lake._

_You'll see him again, one day. _

And then I look up. I feel the rain, though the sky remains clear.

I will never come back to this building.

Not again. Not like yesterday. Last week. The months before.

_"Because you're only a memory." _

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><p>Another day awakens me, and it appears not quite alike to the one before. But it never is. Because even if the sky remains blue, grey, or purple, and even if the rain always falls with the same tedious rhythm, <em>something has changed. <em>

Yet the flow of time has ceased to carry me along, and I'm afraid my focus on reality is losing touch.

No, I am simply afraid that if I would happen to focus long enough, I would see the world in a light that isn't suited for the smile delicately painted on my face. I can't be genuine. I can't be naive. So who am I?

Am I Mai?

Or is she in England, buried with the hope that left with a case of forgotten children.

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><p><em>Beep.<em>

"Mai! We've all been worried sick about you! Don't tell me there's 'been something up'. I swear the next time I have to hear one of those lame excuses I will march-" The obviously irate, but frantic woman on the other end of the answering machine was abruptly cut off by a muffled argument beyond the receiver.

Sorry about that, kid, you know how Ayako is."

A few seconds of pause, of which I could almost visualize the eye-roll and subsequent slap from the more childish of the two. Whichever one that is, I'll leave to your imagination.

A deep breath-

"We're just worried, okay? It's been a couple weeks since we've heard anything. Call us back at the office, okay?"

_End of messages. _

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><p>When did I start slumping against the wall like this?<p>

Oh Bou-san...Ayako..


End file.
